How
by CKRose
Summary: <html><head></head>This is a one shot of events from Rick Castle's point of view, during and after Driven. Complete for now. May add more later.</html>


**Disclaimer: Castle is the property of ABC studios and MilMar productions. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I know a lot of fics surrounding 7.01 Driven are out there. I wanted mine to be from Castles point of view. Thanks to Stacy Rodgers for input and advice. I am grateful.**

** How **

Rick wakes up in the in the hospital to the sound of his mother and Alexis' voices chattering. They're so happy he's alive and will be ok, but he feels like something is off. He just can't put it all together. They tell him he'd been run off the road by a black SUV on the way to his wedding to Kate Beckett. She's the love of his life. Why isn't she here again? His mother tells him she's taking care of things regarding the accident. (Which is true, but lacking in details). His Doctor tells them he will make a full recovery, yet that sense of something being off sticks with him. He is tired, so tired. Who knew getting run off the road could make you feel like you've been asleep for days.

He was so excited to see Kate until the moment his world, plans, dreams and hopes went straight to hell. Now, Castle stands alone in the hospital room staring vacantly out the window. Have all of Kate's walls they both worked so hard to bust through, come back with a vengeance?

How is it even possible something like this could have happened? No matter how hard he recounts the trip from the loft to the Hamptons that day, he can't remember anything. He only knows that and waking up a short while ago here in the hospital. It was bad enough they had to deal with Rogan O'Leary, burned wedding venues, and Kate's dress being ruined. This has to end. He wants to be with Kate. Nothing more than that. He just wants Kate.

Two months? After what seems like hours of questions and exams from more doctors than he ever cares to talk to again, he has nothing to do. So he stands there waiting for Kate to come back. When she finally does, it's with a loud slam to the door. 'Oh the walls are definitely back.' thinks Castle.

"I want to go there" Rick says when Kate asks him what it matters. He's sure she believes he was there no matter what the truth may be. She's so angry. Maybe as angry as she was when she kicked him out of the precinct that first summer they were apart. When he tells her she needs answers as much as he does and this can help, she reluctantly agrees. This agreement gives Rick a small amount of hope, that somehow they can make their way through this.

For some reason, Gates agrees to shuttle Castle and Beckett out to Massachusetts by helicopter to look at this campsite he was allegedly staying at. This will be Kate's second trip out there in two days. Something about finding the truth for Kate. Seems he's back to square one with Gates too.

Never mind that it's blistering hot out when the partners (former partners, couple, lovers, friends? he's afraid to think about it.) board the helicopter, the conditions inside the chopper are positively ice cold. It doesn't have anything to do with the AC. Kate's attitude is cold enough to keep everything chilly. He doesn't really blame her though, because remembers how it felt two years ago, when he discovered her lies. He totally gets it. Castle hopes he can get through to Kate and prove to her he didn't have anything to do with his own disappearance.

When Kate gets so disgusted with Castle's explanation of Tropical Storm being the reason he would have never pitched a tent in that location, he starts wishing he hadn't always been the one to offer wild theories and stories. He needs her to believe him. Believe in him again.

Thank God for the real Henry Jenkins. By the time Jenkins agrees to go back with them to the Gloucester police department and give a statement, things were beginning to make more sense. And when the DMV helped them discover that their systems had been hacked, and Jenkins ID faked, Castle began to wonder what other government offices had been hacked. Sure, Castle poked a little fun at Kate for her "One and Done" comment years ago, when they made the discovery of her first marriage. Something didn't settle with him then. No way in hell does it settle now.

Rick Castle wanted so badly to just say 'Please Kate, please come over here.' He couldn't. He wasn't sure if he had any right, not after the nightmare she's lived because of him. Yet those thoughts bleed through his eyes. Kate can see the longing in them, and she wonders if she should let those walls grow back, but she can't.

Kate makes a bold decision. She can't be without him and she isn't going to let doubts and hurts keep her from her fiancé. Wrapping her arms around him finally, she lets out a little huff and the tears start to fall.

Having Kate in his arms helps this awful feeling of helplessness he feels. However, he is afraid. How will they ever get through this? At that moment, Kate looks up. She feels so small, so vulnerable, like a child. It's not the first time he's seen her crying, but at least he was able to help her then. Now he is just as helpless. And it hurts him the most of all.

They were so happy yesterday. ' But that was two months ago for Kate.' He thinks, as those thoughts continue to wind their way through Castle's confused brain. He wants to kiss her, to touch her - and he can't. After everything that happened today, he is not even sure about such a simple thing as a kiss.

Kate reaches up and gently caresses his face, her eyes searching his. She leans in, slowly and intently guiding his lips to hers. The kiss isn't deep but, it's sure, and passionate. Now may not be the time for more, but a kiss from the one he loves most, does in fact do a lot to help the healing process.


End file.
